My Heart, Your Hands
by soyxunxperdedor
Summary: Dean and Cas contemplate their future.  Established Destiel angsty fluff.


**AN: This is something I've had on my mind for a while. Just a one shot, unless I get bored sometime and decide to write a second chapter in which they shall do it and it shall be magnificent! But don't count on it :D**

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><p>Dean's eyes flickered to the television screen to the man sitting beside him on the small couch. It was more like a loveseat, really, but than sounded like a pansy term Sam would know so Dean pretended it was a small couch.<p>

Dean let his eyes linger on the man beside him, or as it may be, the angel. His eyes slid from the angel's unruly dark hair to his piercing blue stare, currently boring holes in the tv. He let his gaze move to Cas's pink lips, currently pressed together like they would do when Cas was concentrating. His eyed traveled further, skimming over the trench coated arm and resting on the thing that was currently keeping him from focusing on the movie.

Castiel's fingers were thread tightly through his. This fact alone wasn't startling, but when Dean thought about it long enough, which he did of course, he realized he'd never really done this. He could probably count the number of times he'd held someone's hands on just a few fingers, and if someone asked him how many times he'd actually wanted to he could flip them off while answering at the same time. This was that one time.

"I do not understand this movie, Dean. Why doesn't the Batman exorcise the Joker? He is clearly possessed," Cas said, startling Dean out of his thoughts as he turned his calm blue gaze on him.

The hunter laughed. He should've known The Dark Knight would be over the angel's head. "He's not possessed he's just crazy. In the world this movie takes place in there's no such things as demons," he explained, but Cas just stared blankly at him. He sighed, but with a smile, and used his free hand to grab the remote and turn the tv off.

"Why did you turn it off?" Cas asked with his trademark head tilt.

"I could see you weren't getting it," Dean said with a shrug. "Besides, I can think of better things we can do in our Sammy free time," he added with a grin. His brother had gone to Bobby's on his own for the weekend to give Dean and Cas some much needed privacy.

"But I was trying to enjoy it," Cas protested.

"I know, and I like that you try to like human things, but I know you weren't enjoying it. What's been up with you lately anyway? You've been putting up with my human stuff too easily," Dean said, looking at Cas suspiciously.

The angel lowered his gaze, something very uncommon for him. "I am trying to acclimate," he replied in his gruff but quiet voice.

"Acclimate? Why?"

Cas looked up again, blue eyes slamming into greens with an almost physical force. But they didn't contain their usual hardness, they were soft and worried, like Dean wasn't going to like what he was about to hear.

"After Lucifer is defeated I plan to fall," he said calmly.

Dean could feel his jaw hanging slack, but he couldn't close it. "What do you mean?"

"I wish to become human, Dean. Not as Anna did, I will not rip my grace out, as that would cause me to be born again as human as she was, and that would defeat my purpose. I plan to let my grace slip from me so that I may keep this vessel. It pleases you and Jimmy Novak no longer needs it himself."

Dean was silent for a long, long time, just staring incredulously at his angel. "Why?" he finally managed to whisper.

Cas tilted his head, almost imperceptible smile quirking in the corners of his lips. "For you Dean, to stay here with you." The tiny smile disappear and an expression Dean could almost describe as apprehension appeared in its place. "Unless you do not wish for me to stay here," he added.

"Cas, Jesus, of course I want you to stay. God, I don't know what I would do if you left. I mean, my heart is completely in your hands, I desperately want you to stay. But I don't want you to fall to do it. Cas," he said, turning in his seat to face the angel. "If you fell you could never go back, you'd be completely cut off. I want you to be with me but I don't want you to suffer to do it."

"Dean, I am not a child, I understand the immensity of what I am saying. But I would not be suffering. I love you deeply, Dean. I would be suffering if I stayed with you and did not fall."

A dark lock of hair was threatening to fall into Cas's eye, so Dean carefully pushed it away. "Why would you be suffering? You'd have your grace, and you'd have me."

"I would only have you for your lifetime. You would grow old while I remain ageless, and you would die, while I would live on. I am not saying falling is going to be easy. But watching you die, knowing I would never see you again would be much worse."

Dean didn't reply immediately, just leaned forward and pressed a lingering chaste kiss on his angels lips. He could feel a wetness in his eyes, but he blinked it away. He had the presence of mind to know Sammy would somehow find out and tease him for crying like a girl.

"If you become human you'll die too," Dean said softly as he pulled away. Cas only nodded solemnly. "Will you go to heaven?"

"I do not know. The only fallen angels I've ever come into contact with are Anna and Lucifer. Lucifer did not become human, and Anna regained her grace, so neither of those instances will help us. But I believe that I will."

"But when those hunters killed me and Sam Ash told us everyone gets their own heavens… We wouldn't be together," Dean said, frowning at the thought.

Cas smiled again and Dean loved the fact that he was one of the extremely few that could make the angel smile. Dean loved the way Cas's eyes crinkled up in the corner when it was a genuine smile. "Dean, after everything we've gone through in heaven's name, do you honestly think they wouldn't grant us that one small thing if we wanted it?"

"Maybe you're right. I hope you are, anyway," Dean said, untangling his hand from Cas's. He surged forward, straddling the angel's lap and using his knees to pin him down by the trench coat. "Now what do you say we ditch the chick flick talk in order to take advantage of our Sam free weekend?"


End file.
